emotional

first week of the school wasn't really a pleasant one i guess. why? cus of the grades i got back. new year resolutions are set. of course reasonable ones that are set to a point you are able to achieve it. since the start of sem 2, i don't uds the modules. gosh i need a tutor to sit beside me and teach me. can't get rid of spoon feeding habit.

seriously. I'm studying for the sake of studying. I'm studying cus it is definitely easier and less politic than working. if i can, i wish i can study music. even is that is a lot tougher than what i am studying now, at least it is something that I'm interested in. but anyway, like i am given a choice? my family ain't well enough to support me in that. Singapore, you study nothing related to the economic, you eat shit. that's what i think.

so what now? anyone willing to sit beside me to teach me OOP, NF, BIS and MU?

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does any one of you watch drama who doesn't cry at the a-bit-sad-part but feel so sad that you wanna cry but no tears for you to cry cus you are affected by it? i don't know if any one of you uds what am i trying to say here but, I'm like that.

kind of a stupid feeling you see. feel sad but no tears, then I'll start to think bout all kinds of sad things that make myself cry (as in drop a tear) in the end and think that "why am i crying anyway? silly girl" but at least that tear made me feel better.

maybe one can't be always smiling or feeling happy. letting out some sadness may be better. cry when you need to. keeping in a bottle of salt ain't a nice feeling. too much salt causes kidney failure, high blood pressure, heart disease.

again, that is just how i feel.